Brain Tribbles
by Fitful Fantasy
Summary: A collection of snippets and one-shots. Ratings, pairings, and warnings will vary.


_**Author's Note**__:_ This is just a place for me to collect the snippets, one-shots, and other brain droppings I come up with. Some will be AU, some will be cracky, and some will slash. That being said, I don't want flames or complaints because the "chapters" don't follow each other, since each chapter will actually be a different story.

I'm not a big science geek, or a Trekkie, so you'll have to humor me if I get something wrong in those fields. I am an English major, but I'm not going to reload an entire chapter for a couple of minor spelling mistakes or missing commas. This is a fanfic and I just don't care that much.

Finally, flamers will be roasted with marshmallows over their own flames.

_**This Story:**_ Hints of Kirk/McCoy slash. Cross-over(ish) fic inspired by Hayatebune's Pirates of the Caribbean Rock (you can find it on YouTube).

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own Star Trek or Pirates of the Caribbean.

**Curse of the Q**

" This is ridiculous! I'm a doctor, not a goddamn pirate!"

If the situation, strange though it was, hadn't been so serious, doubtless Jim would have smiled at his friend's comment. As it was the young Captain had his hands full, watching for incoming fire and barking orders to his crew. Their attacker, the black-sailed ship behind them, was slowly catching up and Jim didn't know what to do.

" Incoming!" Jim yelled as he ducked. A cannonball went whizzing over his head, colliding with the ship with a sickening _crack_.

" Ensign Mullroy is hurt." Called Spock, making the good doctor curse and rush to the fallen security officer's side.

Jim wanted badly to check on the Ensign himself, but knew he would only get in the way. Besides, he had more important things to do, like figure out how to destroy the Klingon ship attacking them. Pacing at near frantic speeds, Jim squinted at the Klingon ship – at least, he assumed it was Klingon, judging by the deformed skull on their Jolly Roger flag – and at their bow canons.

' _How are we going to get us out of this? We're supposed to be the faster ship, but we can't outrun them. Wait…_'

A thought popped into his head, and while normally he would have passed it off as absurd, even for him, this situation seemed to merit it. Leaping down the steps three at a time, Jim rushed over to Bones' side.

" Bones! Do you have any flammable liquids?"

" Damn it Jim, all I've got is the equivalent of a first grader's chemistry set! I don't even have pain killers!"

Spock, of course, seemed to have a solution. " Captain, alcohol is flammable, and there is a great deal of rum aboard this ship."

" Ru- great! Can you make it more potent?"

Spock gave him a look that clearly said he didn't understand what the strange human was up to this time, but would follow his orders. Nodding, made his way below deck, and Jim waited for him to vanish before announcing:

" Drop anchor! Let's turn this ship around!"

" What?!" Cried Bones, looking up from the leg he was bandaging. " Are you crazy? You want to go head-to-head with the Klingons?!"

" Trust me Bones, it'll work." Seeing that his orders weren't being followed – most of the crew was looking at him as if they agreed with Bones – he barked, " Get to it!"

The crew scattered, and soon enough he heard the sounds of the anchor being dropped. The ship lurched violently, tossing people around and eliciting a combination of curses and groans from Bones, who apparently took to boats as well as he did to aircraft, which is to say not at all. Jim gripped the railing, keeping his eyes on the Klingon craft, barely flinching as another shot missed his ship by inches.

" Captain, I would like to know what you are planning." Said Spock, who had reappeared at his side, a faint crease between his eyes. With the ship beginning to right, a pale-faced Bones appeared at the railing, echoing the Vulcan's sentiment.

" Why, playing pirates Mr. Spock! It's just what Q wanted."

Jim was off course referring to the strange, alien entity that had materialized on the Bridge while they were under attack from a rogue Klingon cruiser. The alien, who called itself Q, had mentioned someone called Picard, and parallel universes, and of another, older, boring version of Kirk. The Kirk of this universe had the dubious honor of attracting Q's attention, and apparently it didn't like being ignored, because after Kirk called for security and tried to focus on their Klingon attackers, Q pouted. The alien then muttered something about live action movies being better, waved his hand, and… well, here they were.

" Ready the canons!"

" Captain, there are no cannonballs on this 'ere lady!" Cried Scotty from below, briefly throwing Jim for a loop. Then he chuckled, making Bones dearly wish for his tricorder, and replied," Then load them with everything we've got!"

Jim could barely hear the engineer's muffled response over his own thudding heart, or the hollers from the ship that was coming along side them. Letting one hand stray to his side, grasping the hilt of the sword that was where his phaser should be, he turned to his First Officer, a serious look in his eye.

" You have what I asked for?"

" Indeed." Spock pulled two small, glass bottles out of his pocket. " Alone these are flammable, but combined they would be quite explosive."

Jim gave a grim smile and took the bottles from Spock. " Very good. Mr. Spock, I leave the crew in your capable hands."

" Jim, what the hell are you- " began Bones, but Jim had already taken off, racing towards the central mast.

" Keep them distracted, Spock!" he called back as he began to climb up the mast.

One of Spock's eyebrows arched up at that, but he quickly turned his attention to the Klingon ship beside them. Ignoring the jeering Klingon crew, he searched out the vessel's captain, making eye contact. They maintained contact for what seemed like a long time before they both gave their orders.

" Fire." Called Spock.

" Fire! Blast that Federation scum to the deep!" Yelled the Klingon captain.

~*~

It was chaos down below. It had been a somewhat harrowing experience, but Jim had managed to get into the Crow's Nest without being shot, and without the damaged mast deciding to give up and fall down. He crouched low, hidden from view, listening the sounds of canons and clashing swords. The Klingons had wasted no time boarding their ship, but Sulu was in his element, and the rest of the crew, already fighting to stay alive, had been inspired by the pilot's prowess with his sword. Judging from the cries below, Bones was proving to be a surprising swashbuckler; the thought was somewhat distracting.

Gathering his thoughts, he tried to recall how the enemy ship had looked. He'd only get one shot at this, so he had to make it count. Bracing himself, he stood up, spotted his target, lobbed the two tied-together bottles through the air, and prayed.

~*~

Jim had never realized just how comfortable a starship could be, at least not until today. As Captain of the _Enterprise_, he rarely had to worry about getting splinters, or falling overboard, or getting sunburned. In fact, the Enterprise seemed like paradise, with it air-conditioned halls, cushioned Captain's chair, and nice, comfy beds, like the one he was currently lounging in.

" Come." He called as the door chimed, turning his head slightly to see Bones enter. The doctor looked tired, but grateful to be back on the _Enterprise_, a sentiment Jim suspected Bones rarely felt.

" Interesting day, huh?"

" That's one way to put it, kid." The doctor muttered as he sank onto the bed. Pulling his shoes off, Bones sprawled out, not that Jim minded. After a moment of lazy, content silence, Bones finally asked," How did you come up with that one?"

" Bones, haven't you watched _Pirates of the Caribbean_?" Jim chuckled at the blank look he got in response. " C'mon, it's a classic! You've got to see it. Q saw it."

" Yeah, that really makes me want to watch it."

" Aw, come on Bones, it might come in handy some day. Besides, at least it wasn't _The Matrix_."

" Wha- ? Nevermind, I don't want to know. The only good thing about this whole absurd day was that that crazy Q translated our sea battle into reality and blew up that Klingon ship."

" Yup, that was good." Sensing that Bones still had something on his mind, he prodded him. " What are you thinking?"

Bones sighed, tilting his head back to see Jim as he morosely said, " I wish Q would've let us keep the rum."

This time Jim did smile.


End file.
